Jealousy and its mechanism


As I give Skype sessions to my clients geographically far from me, I get reminded given opportunities to know unique culture. Even in my practice in New York City, I still have opportunities to know unique culture too. 

Americans are immigrants in some levels and people have authentic and unique cultures when they have the parents as a first generation immigrants. 

Although human emotions of course universally work in patterns despite cultural backgrounds that they have or different regions where they live on this planet.  

I am looking forward to seeing you soon so contact me if you are interested in Skype sessions. 


Human emotions and behaviors that I focus on in sessions are most of the times, negative ones to release them. One of the common behaviors is that people compare themselves with others.

It is habitual for people to determine how they are doing or where they are socio-economically in comparison with others.


You may look different, in different culture, or etc., you as a child felt “differences” or “standards” in the childhood.

How the classmates look like, how their mothers are and they are different from yours or yourselves.

When you find differences, normally you feel anxious, or envy others and when you do it, your dissatisfactions may be increased.

Envies, or dissatisfactions generate the feelings of jealousy. Jealousy is such sticky feelings that many of us have.


When we say jealousy, we think of relationships though habitual comparisons with others that we did in our childhood could be basis of the jealous feeling too.

With siblings, you have to compete which one got more attention from the parents, this situation could generate jealousy. It is tricky when you have strongest competitor in the same household with you.

In this kind of situation, you may have to pay attention to portion to your share if it is less than the others or not.

It could show how much affection that you can get or how big your share is in a piece of cake you were given as a child.

It may put you in feelings that you are always getting less or your shares are always smaller.


Yes, jealousy comes from the feelings that you are getting less than others or others got more than you. Or even others got something that you never get.

In your childhood, it may be about your parents’ love or your share in a cake. In your adulthood, “materials”, “social status”, “money”, or “looks”, those matter to you to define your satisfactions.


Here in this story, we have to realize that WE decide whatever that is, “money”, “looks” or even “happiness”, we have more or less than others.

Other people can decide another woman is prettier than you, but you got more money or status than the woman or something like that.

However when YOU decide others got everything that you want, then others got everything that you don’t have and want.

Yes, you decide how much and what you got.


Other argument is if “materials”, “status”, “money” or “looks” can decide how much you got or how happy you can be with them. It is difficult to say.

Again, YOU are the person who decides how much and what you got. In other words, YOU decide if you are wonderful or not too.

YOU are the person definitely decide if you are happy or having more than enough in your own values.


When people decide owning things makes people happy, then people owning a lot should be feeling happy, then you are not happy when you don’t have so many things.

Some people decide people are happy when they got money. They think that they are supposed to be happy because they got money. Then they can’t sleep when they think of others look happier than them.

You may feel wrong when you are not happy at all while you got successful and money. It is interesting to think about it.

People want to think money would make them happy because after all then lack of money would look like only a problem they got.


Well, I can say from my professional experiences and also my personal experiences, “success”, “money” “looks” wouldn’t make people happy for sure.


What I am saying is that we have to decide if we are happy or not. Then why don’t we just simply decide that we are happy?

It is easy to say though it is difficult to do so.  In psychology, it depends how much you got given love or how satisfied you were as a child.

It is not about how much or how clear parents gave love to you, it is all about how much love or how clear YOU felt like you got.


Yes, only way to make yourself happy is to believe that you are given well enough and feel wonderful about it and with yourself.


One more jealousy issue in relationships is that you have to fear about someone else comes in and steal your partner.

For example, you have a partner and want to be with him/her. However a third person is around your partner.

When he/she doesn’t attract your partner, there shouldn’t be a problem at all. However when the situation looks like otherwise, you would be jealous.


You normally get more jealous when the competitor seems like having something you don’t have. Looks, attractions, sex appeal and so on.

You normally can’t stay calm when the competitor seems to have better quality than you in any forms.

It may be just too much thinking. Others may think that you got better quality than the competitor though you wouldn’t see it in that way when you are already jealous.


When you decide your opponent is more attractive than yourself, you must be really worried about the situation that your partner is going to be taken away from you.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what your partner really thinks while you decide that your partner is already attracted to the opponent.


Yes, what is happening to you is something you decide, even about relationship with your partner or even your life itself.  It is necessary if you want to be satisfied with your life and happy.

Hypnotherapy is very effective to change your perception. You got a chance to truly feel that the way you are is truly wonderful.

That is because you can change your perception in your subconscious level unlike any other therapies available in the world.

Decide to try it today!

Have a wonderful day!!