I always get clients who got problems around break-ups. Break ups are hard and one client comes to me and a bunch around her would come to me in the loop.
Some of them think about death around losing love. It is so sad that young and beautiful women think of death because of only a man who she lost.
I have been writing about this though this emptiness or abandoned feelings around break ups is nothing to do with the ex-boyfriend who she broke up with, well, originally.
This lost love and ex-boyfriend are just a trigger of the feeling of loss and the feelings are relating to experiences and feelings felt the person abandoned.
Events felt the person abandoned could be a small incident in the childhood though it could damage the person devastatingly in just 5 minutes of length that he/she was left alone in the childhood so she/he doesn’t even remember in the conscious.
The event could be that the child was lost for 5 minutes in a department store in the childhood. In reality and logically he/she knows that the parents came back to her/him.
Then the parents raised her/him so the client showed up in front of me on the day of the session. There was no abandonment for sure in the reality.
However the child left alone in a department store doesn’t believe so at all. The child surely felt abandoned and the abandoned and devastated child is still living in you after all those years.
The child is there waiting for just someone shows up to save him/her. Unless the child is picked up, the child would be there forever feeling abandoned.
Believe it or not, our brain works in the way and I am one of those witnesses there in the sessions.
Do you have experiences being hit by sadness or lonliness? Feeling like being all alone in this whole wide world. Surrounded by many people in the reality though you feel alone and nobody cares about you.
When the kind of feelings such as loneliness come up on you because your brain got the memory stored long time ago of similar feelings in you. And it’s randomly triggered by some sensations in your daily life.
Smell, sense, impact, temperature, coldness, hotness, sounds and so on, whatever that is, your brain got sensed and triggered with the memory in the childhood.
You know that in a second you smell the sense of elementary school classroom, all the memories in the school days would have come back to you.
The triggers could be something very small that you never notice in your conscious. However the senses are impacting well enough to trigger you to bring back the memories to you.
This triggering memories happen to you on daily basis with your conscious knowing or even without your conscious knowing. As a matter of fact, in your conscious, you could block the thoughts.
However when you lose your conscious in your sleep, your brain would feel free to bring the memories back to process the negative feelings and experiences. Because it is a job of your brain.
Now you may know the reason why you wake up so sad or lonely in a morning even though you didn’t know why on the day.
Those negative feelings and experiences are called trauma in psychology. Trauma doesn’t seem so dramatic sometimes though it could make impact bad enough on your mind.
All those memories and experiences that could make negative impact on you are called trauma.
And brain’s instinct is to process those traumas until it feels completely safe. That is why trauma, embarrassed you or you didn’t like at all in your childhood would repeatedly come to you throughout your life.
Yes, it doesn’t matter when you are awake or sleeping.
The initial event described as lost in a department store got you very sensitive to the feelings of lost, or abandoned. You are easy to feel like being abandoned again or feel fearful to be left alone.
Events after the initial one to feel you like left alone would have felt like even more abandoned just because the child was already sensitive to be left alone. Yes, the child was easy to feel like abandoned.
The odds the child feels abandoned again got higher and surely the child would have felt abandoned many times in the life.
Then one day, in the 20’s, she got unbearable feelings of abandonment with a break up that she had with her boyfriend.
She started thinking about death then. This is the outlook of the break up and suicidal ideation here.
What we need here is to tell the child at the site where the child still remains that he/she never be abandoned and the parents would come back to raise him/her without a problem.
In the actual sessions, the reactions that my clients show is not just from the adult version of him/her.
Of course, it is a cry from the chld. Can you imagine how the child cries when he/she felt abandoned? The child is at despair and sobbing in the scene.
All we need here is that the child who believed abandoned has to be aware of the misunderstanding that he/she made. This is perception amendment in subconscious.
As a matter of fact, our values and self image are fixed up to the age of 10 years old. I believe that changing the perceptions and values is impossible in the conscious level after the age range.
That is why it is important for us to have a positive self image or feelings received truly loved from the parents in the childhood.
It is not about how much parents give the child love, it is all about how much the child felt loved. Yes, it depends on the child.
If the self image is easy to change, nobody is supposed to have self esteem issues at all.
People never change is in a way, it is true in this kind of sense.
The troublesome fact is that brain never forget anything at all. Do you know that our brain stores everything in our life within it?
Yes, Brain remembers and stores everything. The reason we can’t recall yesterday’s event is simply we are using around 5% of our brain in our conscious (normal state) in our everyday life.
It is like downloading enormously heavy and big file into an old and slow computer. Our brain is not at our best at our conscious level. That is why we can’t recall a lot in the past in our conscious.
However our brain got everything in it based on science. That is why by any trigger, the memories would come back to us and trouble us sometimes.
If you want to change your perceptions or values in true way, there is only an option to work on the issues in your subconscious. Hypnotherapy is performed in your subconscious.
In hypnosis/subconscious, you are going to be able to use up to 95% of your brain instead of 5% in your conscious level. Your brain operating speed would be 1,000,000 times faster than usual in subconscious too.
When you have a problem, you need to know the reason why to solve it. Your inner child awaits in you to be discovered still in this day.
In your subconscious, we have a best chance to find the child! Would you want to rescue the child today? I can help you.
Have a wonderful day!