Loss of love is one of those issues that my clients present in sessions. Skype sessions are available in my practice and I got to know the relationships are different from each other in each culture though the feelings of loss from break up seems universal.
A lot of my clients feel like they are left, unloved and those seem very hard feelings to bear. It is all about personality and also quality that they blame on their own in the break ups.
However in my opinion, there is a lot to do with the partner side in break ups too.
Of course, relationships are about love and connection so there should be reasons why things don’t go well in them along the nature though there is no reason to blame yourself when you are not accepted by your partner.
However universally people want to blame themselves in break ups, feel like unattractive inside and out. They tend to blame their quality.
This self blaming reasoning is seen commonly in children too. In the childhood, we all think that mommy is angry because of us. The child feels like mommy should love him/her more when they were better.
Child thinks being good is going to make the mommy happier. Even though mommy got personal issues and those make her unhappy.
We are individually responsible for our own happiness. When we are not happy, the reasons are in us.
However, often times, we blame past events or unpopular president, or even unloving parents in the childhood when we are miserable and unhappy.
We keep the ideas of moods should be disturbed or bothered by others learned or decided in our childhood. Probably parents or adults tell the children so and the children come to believe the idea.
Commonly children feel responsible for the mother’s happiness and we keep the way of thinking that others could be responsible for others mood or happiness up to the adulthood.
Mothers or parents got their own personal issues unrelated to the child though in child psychology, it is natural for the child to feel responsible for parents’ happiness. The child naturally wants to be good to just make the mom happy.
In hypnotherapy sessions, clients know it wasn’t their fault that parents weren’t happy. However there are moments and events the child feel responsible for parents’ happiness and the ideas stay in them.
Going back to relationships topic, reasons we feel wrong with someone vary.
We all try to go back to environments that we were already accustomed to in our childhood. For example, you end up with a abusive relationship when you were abused as a child.
It is not about right or wrong, it is about accustomed environment or not in the sense.
I always talk about this example, it is always rainy days since birth and all of sudden it clears up. First the sun feels great though probably you would miss rain within 3 days.
Just because sunny day is not the environment that you were accustomed to so you feel wrong.
That is why your partner would want environment that he/she is accustomed to because of it, he/she leaves you. It doesn’t mean you are unattractive inside and out.
The reasons why people choose their partner, it is not always about the partner though it is about the person who chooses.
For example, as an abuse victim, you meet someone very nice to you. Then you start feeling wrong with him/her because he/she doesn’t abuse you.
The safe and nice environment makes you feel unusual.
In the case, you can’t change into an abusive person to stay with him/her.
Of course we can change this bad cycles though it is up to the person who got a problem.
The victim has to want to change and wants to be with someone nice then there is a chance for him/her to change.
Some people are aware of problems and don’t want to work on the issues. It is impossible for a professional to change people when they don’t want to change.
Of course the example is extreme though we have same kind of issues bigger or smaller.
At the end, loss of relationship is not about you are unloved or your quality is low.
In break ups, maybe he/she truly loved you but didn’t want to accept it. Or he/she didn’t even know that they loved you.
Some people are too scared of losing love at the end so they break up before the bad ending happens.
Yes, they are too scare of break up so they break up quickly. A lot of clients told me the same kind of stories in the sessions.
Some people chose someone who is not techniqually available with some reasons. Always choose married person or someone difficult, that is common too.
Maybe they feel like they don’t truly deserve happiness or good partner. It maybe about what you deserve.
If you want to meet someone wonderful and stay with the person, you have to believe that you deserve the wonderful person and being loved by him/her.
It is best for anyone to believe to deserve someone wonderful. Both of the partners believe so then we have best chance to have a great relationship and fun in their life.
If your dream prince kneels down in front of you today, you have to take his hand and go along with him.
However you may feel like in a week or two, he is too good to be true so he maybe misunderstand something or he will change his mind about you in the near future.
I want everyone to grab onto happiness apear in front of us! Believe that you deserve the best!
If you don’t, I can surely help you.
Have a wonerful day!