Happy New Year everyone!
Thank you so very much for reading my column. I want to especially thank you to visit my website today!
I have been working my hardest to help people to live happily in this world. I believe that this is my life mission and promise to keep working my hardest in this year too!
I work through sessions in New York City, Skype sessions to offer to people in any where of this world, my website in Japanese and English, the Japanese book published in 2017, and an English book to be publishing and now in editing process in the US to tell the world how to live happily in the stressful situation and lives.
In this beginning of New Year, I want to talk about love. Lately I can fully talk about my philosophy to more of my clients and more clients of mine got interested in it and becoming to understand it. I am so glad with the trend.
It is quite confusing for all of us about love because we have enormous amount of information about love. Too much therapy method, rules in relationship and communications, or readings of how to get a guy in 10 days, or getting married to a millionaire or becoming a woman who any men can’t resist or anything like that.
Too much information is available and we are completely lost in any avenue that we are in to know what love is or learn to love or anything fundamental in this topic.
Some of you may say, “Oh, I just want to marry.”, “I want to find a rich partner to marry.” or even “I just don’t want to be alone.”.
I must say that any of things or persons, or perfect partner wouldn’t bring your happiness to you. I must say that I don’t see lots of perfect married couples either in the real life so marriage wouldn’t make people happy either.
I tell people how to live happily so I don’t want to sound negative here though marriage, money, or perfect partner wouldn’t make you happy. Happiness is not about things, money or even a partner.
Happiness is not something that we seek outside of us. Thus we run into problems again in relationships or marriage so we would go to therapy then.
Of course I know it personally and professionally because I am one of those therapists who people seek. I noticed a while ago that people feel easier to find a problem outside of them because then they don’t have to solve their problem in them made them unhappy.
In the result, we would look for a partner when we are single, we would try to get money when we don’t have it much.
We often times believe that satisfaction or security would bring us happiness. We rarely think otherwise or what really happiness is because probably it is going to be more complicated then. 。
However, in the situation, we get married and we may feel like we got more problems than before such as complaints on the partner or in laws.
I wish we had more information about how to be happy. This is the most important topic in our lives though I didn’t have any information up to my 50’s until I ran into hypnotherapy on my own.
So today’s topic is rare too. It is learn to love. I love to talk about this in this fresh start of the year of 2019.
What is love anyway? People believe that behavioral psychology, such as what he/she says when he/she truly loves you, or how he/she acts when he/she truly loves you or something like that. However I actually don’t.
Only thing I believe is the fact and decision that you decide if your partner loves you or not.
Can you really say or believe that your partner truly loves you because he/she tells you to love you everyday, or making breakfast for you, or giving you nice hugs and kisses everyday?
I believe that we are all insecure around love so we want a proof that he/she loves us or not.
Then we want to hear he/she says to love you, affectionate hugs and kisses or taking care of chores for your family because we believe that those are hints that your partner truly loves you and your family.
That is why we use those tools to measure love such as behavioral psychology to calm ourselves down and give us a little security around love.
However can we really know or measure love in the tool of psychology?
Love is feelings and of course feelings of love come to us first. They are precious feelings of caring or longing or desire to know the person in deeper level.
Then we decide to love the person. Of course, love is feelings and a decision. Whatever the reasons they are, we decide to love the person on our own.
For example, your child was born and feelings of love come to you. Then you decide to love the child because he/she is yours.
Would you be able to say that you didn’t decide to love?
How about adoption? You definitely decide to love the child on the day he/she came to you.
For example, would you love the child if the child was exactly same as yours but he/she wasn’t yours and lives around the corner of your place?
At least you wouldn’t love the child because he/she isn’t your child in the same way as you love your own child.
Of course, just because the child isn’t yours, yes. Whatever the reason that is, we all decide to love someone or not on our own.
Your children, family members, or romantic interests, it works the same way to love someone. Feelings of love come to you and you decide to love the person.
What would you do after you decide? You may want to keep loving the person. Yes of course, it is all up to you to keep loving the person or not on your own decision.
It is actually up to you to decide if the person loves you or not too.
No? It doesn’t work in the way? How else could you decide if the person loves you or not?
Now we can bring up the psychology again. Would you believe if your love actually loves you or not based on his/her behaviors like he/she holds you tight or not or there is a sweet talk or not or even marrying you?
There are easy measurements to know the love is true or not? Would we have to believe that all marriage is because of true love?
It is getting confusing, isn’t it? All right, let me organize the thoughts. Yes, it is always you to decide if you love someone and how much, well after the initial feelings of love and also if he/she loves you or not and how much. Right?
The measurements of psychology are not true or only things we depend, are they?
I say, love is feelings, a decision, and also at last, believing.
The elements of opposing or killing love are insecurity, anxiety and fear and sometimes psychology gives you more of insecurity, anxiety and fear too.
You could decide that he/she doesn’t love you because he/she said something hurting you.
Well, actually it is not about behavioral psychology but it is your decision, I say. It doesn’t matter what measurements or psychology you use but you decide it at the end.
Yes you did. Whatever the information is available though at the end, you were the person who decides if he/she loves you or not.
The bigger of anxiety or fear in you around love, the more chance that you can’t believe in love. Of course, and the fear and anxiety come from your negative experiences in the past.
Because of the negative experience and pain you had, you may decide not to love anyone ever again and/or no one would never love you again. It is sad.
In the case, you may not fall in love when your dream prince/princess appears in front of you one day. Of course because you are the person to permit yourself to fall in love or not.
You may oppose yourself when your feelings of love flows in you with the special person.
Can you ask yourself why you have to see him/her, just because you love him/her? Or maybe you want to know if he/she still loves you when your anxiety attacks you?
You can ask yourself.
A lot of people want to eliminate the anxiety and doubt so you want to hear that he/she loves you…
However love is so simple, it should be. There is no return, reward, proof or contract and you just want to love him/her so you love him/her.
And when you love someone, you have to believe that he/she loves you.
Even though we know how difficult it would be.
Only one way in this world to obtain a true love. That is you become a person who can truly believe in true love.
Subconscious would help you in hypnotherapy. You can be a person who can believe in true love.
I am looking forward to seeing you!
Have a wonderful day!