This is the part 2 continuing from the previous column so I recommend you to read part 1 if you haven’t read it yet. I spontaneously decided to split into two because it became too long.
In the Part 1, I talked about being super sensitive to love and detect tiny little amount of love and reacted to it is the best thing.
Because it saves a lot of energy and instantly be happy. Also in fact, love is actually necessity for us to survive too.
Happiness, love and success are always related each other. Almost all of us believe that “success” makes us happy.
In this case, “success” means being rich and famous in simply saying. Then we should remember why we want to succeed at the first place.
We want to take care of our parents or we want to impress our parents.
In psychology, it is well known that we, in some level, want our parents’ approval and recognition of our goodness and they motivate us to succeed.
Some of us want to provide the best life to our children.
It seems like for parents or children on the surface though after all we all have some desire that others know our values and ability and especially we want most important people, who are our parents to know our goodness and values too.
Of course, some people only care about their parents’ recognition even when they become very successful and famous in the sense.
Prove our own values and ability, in other words, we want others notice our own values, want get attention and respect from them too.
Yes, success is relating to love.
Attention and recognition, and love are the reasons for us to want our success.
If so, discovering a way to be sensitive to love seems a right approach rather than working so hard on success. It would be the best if we could detect and be reacted to tiny little amount of love too.
However the world is not working in the way. we all look for reasons why we don’t feel happy outside us. Such as we don’t have so much money, not famous, don’t have something or even being single and etc.
We all believe that success will lead us happiness without problems. This is a strong belief in us.
Being rich and famous will bring us happiness, we tend to believe.
If we say it in a sentense, we say that money can’t buy happiness. However majority of people look for reasons why we don’t feel happy in whatever the conditions we have rather than looking into ourselves.
Probably because only a few people can get the kind of success with being rich and famous.
That is why, majority tends to find reasons why there in the condition of lacking money and fame.
It is easier for us to believe that success brings us happiness.
Main stream is to believe that gaining something tangible is a solution when they don’t feel happy. It is always not us inward but outside for us to look at.
When you obtain some level of “success”, you still may not feel happy. Then bigger success would be the solution.
We may believe that small success didn’t bring us the happiness that we looked for.
Then we will have to keep pursuing success to feel happy because that is what we believe.
Finally one day only a few of us get “success” that we dreamed of then realize that money and fame wouldn’t have brought us happiness anyway.
We may realize the rules for happiness when we got everything we ever wanted. The moment would give us deepest think of why we don’t feel happy.
However the kind of huge “success” only comes to only a few of us. And some celebrities make comments that happiness wasn’t about the success that they got.
I saw that Jim Carrey once said that everyone should be famous and successful then they will know that it wasn’t answer in an interview.
Vast of majority is not successful like Jim Carrey so we naturally believe that being successful will bring us happiness so we keep pursuing our own success.
It is hard for us to understand when we don’t have our own experience like Jim.
I have some experience too. When I was still married, of course, I had a husband, I lived in a penthouse in Singapore with two living in maids. With us we had 1 year old boy and girl twins that we ever wanted years and finally came to the world.
It was very small success in comparison with the world class one though it was a success, yes for sure for me. However that was when I started seriously thinking why I couldn’t be satisfied with the situation I was in.
In timely manner, I had to go to my first hypnosis session for my acrophobia and the experience unexpectedly changed my life.
Literally, my life radically started changing since then.
In visible side, I was unemployed for 8 years up to then and now, I have a business in New York City, having live radio show experiences 12 times at New York radio stations and published my own books that I actually wrote in Japan and the US.
It is not because suddenly my ability developed. Ability and talents should have been in me from my birth.
We can gain knowledge and techniques though talents and ability are not, I believe.
We all have hidden talents and ability in us though they are just waiting in us until we actually recognize them and believe in them.
We have to recognize our talents and ability in order to fully use them.
As I said, newborn babies need to be loved. In our DNA, we need love to survive.
In logic, we don’t need care on us when we are fully developed. In fact, we all grow up learning how to be independent.
Being independent is such important agenda for us. No one has to take care of us, that is one of those goals for us to accomplish until our adult age.
Biologically in the process, we have a mission to pass on our DNA too.
Being independent is not just about finance but emotionally too.
True emotional independence is to be happy on our own. Being truly happy on our own is not that easy even though we are all ok on our own.
It is not easy task to feel fully emotionally fulfilled because we are born programed to be loved.
With our instinct, we are made to be loved. That is why it is not surprising for us to want and need love even when we become grown ups.
I learn a lot from my inner child therapy with my clients. Everyone has “inner child” that can’t stop looking for love.
A lot of times, emotional issues come from very simple misunderstanding that inner child had negative feelings in them and kept them up to their adulthood.
Of course, inner child are just kids and normally kids misunderstand a lot of things in the age. They have undeveloped brain so their understanding is immature and insecure.
They misunderstand easily that the reasons why other children laughed at them, they believed that they were most miserable ones of all, or whatever the negative events, they could feel like “the end of the world” in the age.
Vast of majority in inner child cases are misunderstanding and the wrong perception is relatively easy to change and improve the self image a lot at the end.
It is so tricky that we have instinct of needing love in our DNA.
That is why I believe that everyone can largely benefit from their inner child therapy especially I strongly recommend everyone to undo the misunderstanding and misconception of self images.
Most of the times, the events weren’t that bad when we work on it in the therapy. However they must have felt pretty bad in their childhood because simply they were children then.
As I mentioned, children can misunderstand a lot of things so they all need to know they were surely loved when they were surely loved.
They need to correct their misunderstanding and recognize the love that they received.
However, there are truly unfortunate cases with having abusive parents or extremely challenging parents to show any affection to their children.
Don’t they have any chance?
It is easy for them to blame their parents. In fact, they are right to blame the parents. The parents are the reasons why they were deeply hurt and can’t function well in their adulthood.
It is unfortunate fact but we can’t change the fact that they couldn’t get good parents in their life.
In fact, I can’t deny at all that so many people are child abuse survivors.
However, everyone has a chance to be truly happy. It is something wonderful about inner child therapy.
Not all of us are not fortunate enough to have good parents. Without good parents, we can realize that there is someone in this world who gives us love and care about us.
The person is ourself.
We have ourselves as a best supporter and biggest love giver to us and they always pay best attention to us and let us know that we are not alone.
And best of all, we never be able to abandon ourselves. More like we can’t shake ourselves even when we really want to.
Ourself is someone we never be able to shake. Together with them for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year and there is no one like them in this world at all rather than them.
And you are with them for your life.
You can never avoid yourself then, you really should like them. If you love them, it would be the best.
If you don’t like them, your life would be difficult. Of course, you can’t ditch yourself so you can’t have fun with bad company.
That is why self loving is absolutely powerful and best of all.
Self love is bread for us to survive. Love from someone else must be icing on the cake that we don’t need in our lives.
Icing tastes sweet and wonderful though it is not necessity for us to survive.
It is not good diet if we only want icing but not bread. We should eat bread and could have icing when we still have a room.
When they are the best supporters of ours and it is good for us to know that we wouldn’t lose ourselves ever. No betrayal, no disappointment either.
Whenever someone else wants to say anything to you based on unreasonable reasons, you are absolutely on your side.
It is true independence when you love yourself and believe in yourself.
If you don’t have yourself to fully support you and love you, you would have to count on outside source. You have to depend on someone else to emotionally support you.
It doesn’t make sense for us to depend on someone else but not ourselves regarding support and love ourselves because it is such a most crucial element for us to survive.
You can’t count on anyone else if the role is most important in your life. You definitely want to count on yourself.
Those who can detect tiny little love, be reacted to it and immediately be happy, those are who already received abundance of love from themselves.
Have a wonderful day!