At my work, I talk to a lot of people and listen to what they have to say or what happened to their lives in details. Some people truly have extraordinary lives and they are really interesting.
I love psychology at the first place so I feel so lucky being in the position to learn and also enjoy same time.
One of those common topics is about romantic relationships. Love is such agony and at the same time, it is the greatest joy of all too.
Some complain that there is no chance to meet a right person, some got broken heart, others have communication problems. Sometimes the agony gets to the point of thinking about death in fact.
It is hard for anyone to lose someone close to them in actual death though in the sense, break up has more complicated that the person is still well and alive, and sometimes we well know what they are doing day to day. However we can’t meet the person in the situation.
In a way, it may be harder physically we could meet up though we are never be accepted by the person than actually lose someone in death.
I say, one of those hard feelings come from the situation as unaccepted or rejected by someone, someone who we care. Some people are very picky and unforgiving so they can’t accept negative aspects of the counterpart.
At the beginning, everything looks good on the person though once we start noticing something bad on the person, we can’t dismiss the points. Everyone makes mistakes though it is hard for anyone to be generously forgiving.
Forgiveness is one of those topics we often see in the religious aspect, such as sin, forgiveness and when we are not forgiven, we start seeing the category of punishment. It will be sticky in this direction.
It goes like this, not cared, not be liked, not interested, or finally not be loved. It is very tough to bear.
I always use the senses of “accept”, “forgive” and also “truly care” in the sessions. Those are definition of love too.
I say that everyone has bad and good things in us. Not only that, but also even this world has good things and bad things. It is fundamental on everything. That is why it is getting harder when we see only negative. For example, this world will look like bad if we focus on negatives.
Instead, this world will be a wonderful place when we focus on something positive. And I must say that there is no way out of this world. We are stuck to this world as long as we live.
If you want to feel comfortable in this world, of course you want to love this world. Simply saying, we have to love whatever when we can’t cancel it, right? If you don’t love it but we have to stay there, it would be just pain. Isn’t it right?
I can say the same about ourselves. We can’t get out of ourselves. Like this world, we are stuck to ourselves as long as we live.
When we don’t like ourselves, our life would be hard. Ourselves are unavoidable and we don’t like him/her, how hard it would be? 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, no break at all, we are stuck to ourselves. Isn’t it right?
That is why we should love ourselves. It sounds very reasonable for me, doesn’t it? This world would be at least wonderful when we all love ourselves anyway.
Of course, first of all, there wouldn’t be envy or jealousy. When we love ourselves, we wouldn’t be jealous of others. Then we can be truly happy for others.
In the situation, what would happen is there would be even more blessing and happiness around us. Of course.
If I say according to the laws of attraction, positive energy would attract positive energy too. In the situation, of course abundance will come around us for sure. That is the principle of the law, isn’t it?
Then we are going to have so much fun and positive in this world.
In fact, that is my goal too, the wonderful world! That is why one by one, I help people to love themselves in my practice, speech, or even with my own books.
Definitely you want to like someone or something that is absolutely unavoidable including this whole world. We’d better love ourselves and also this world for the reasons. Then everything must feel us pleasant and fun.
The goal is clear and how would I make it happen? Not only me but also all the therapists do one thing and that is to change the clients’ perception. In my practice, it is based on the science. Within the cutting edge science, the most powerful force within us, that is “subconscious”.
As I always say, “subconscious” is a natural state that everyone has and it comes out when we are most relaxed in our body and mind.
It is a random occurrence too and very subtle so we don’t even notice when we are using our own subconscious. However we can make the subconscious happen to us.
It can be induced and when it is induced, it is already called “hypnosis”. That is why, hypnosis/subconscious is very subtle and gentle but nothing like described in TV shows or movies.
Everyone has the state of subconscious so we shouldn’t be afraid of it. However subconscious is very powerful too.
In our subconscious, if it is induced or not, we are using our maximum ability of all in us.
We would be using up to 95% of our brain even though we are using only around 5% of our brain in our “conscious” level.
“Conscious” means almost always when we are awake and we are using only around 5% of our brain, it is unbelievable but it is true in science.
In “subconscious”, our brain operating speed would be 1,000,000 times faster than “conscious” too. Everyone has it though it is unused, well, intentionally unused, that is “subconscious”. That is why any therapy with using subconscious state has very special effects even though the state feels really natural and subtle.
The powerful mind unused in you, that is subconscious. We can use it today, well, on the very right purpose with an experienced professional, that is actually “hypnotherapy”.
As I said, we care about what people think of us in our communications. We don’t want anyone to say something bad about ourselves. We don’t like being disliked.
We have the feelings more or less with anyone, I say. Especially we care about the person, or someone very powerful, we even feel more timid to be judged.
Of course, we subconsciously let the counterpart decide who we are in the sense. If the person is powerful, we think that they can decide who we are.
If we care about someone, we let the person decide who we are and if we are good enough for the person.
That is why we get timid, that is why we are afraid of what people think of us. We would be careless when we don’t care about someone, right?
We feel so nervous when we want the person to like us, because we are afraid of them misunderstand and reject us. We tend to give the power to decide who we are when we care about the person in many different ways, either hierarchy or romantic circumstance.
Especially we desperately want to be accepted by someone we love and we would be despair when the person doesn’t accept us.
It is all about the fact that we let someone decide who we are. We are not good enough when the person doesn’t love us back, right?
How would we change the routine? Only the way to make it happen is when we become the person who decides who we are. We have to decide who we are, don’t we? In other words, we should have great self image.
When we have great self image, we would know the person is wrong when the person misunderstand us and reject us. In other words, we wouldn’t care what people think of us when we really know who we are.
The more we are sure about who we really are, the more certain about who we are in any communications with anyone in this world. We can just be ourselves in any occasions without any nervousness or fear to make a negative impression on someone who is important for us.
Does it make sense?
We really have to decide who we are, don’t we? We have to decide how wonderful we are with flaws, of course. Because we accept ourselves for who we are.
Do you know how comfortable you feel with yourself then? And in fact, the feeling of the comfort, how comfortable we feel with ourselves, it is called “confidence”. We wouldn’t have to worry about what people think of us in front of someone special or even very powerful person.
If we worry, it means that we let the person have power over us; let them decide who we are.
We have to know true ourselves and we always feel comfortable with anyone when we have a positive image of ourselves.
Hope that this opens your eyes.
Have a wonderful day!!